When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
