I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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