This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
