i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
