So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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