So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
