Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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