Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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