How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize