I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
