p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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