i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she smelled like a LAN party
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She bit a glass in half.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
