i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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