What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
