Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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