Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
