My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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