I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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