Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
