this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
