True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
only if we run a train.
done.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
