she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
