I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
