no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
