our cab driver is having phone sex.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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