hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
