bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
