is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize