Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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