I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
