She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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