I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
