"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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