my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
