just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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