okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
