Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
