I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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