my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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