did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he puts the penis in happiness.
pop tarts are not kleenex
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
