I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
