Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
