Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
