so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We are two peas in an std pod
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
