Banned from zoo.
Again?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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