ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
