i just sent this text using only my big toe
He told me they were just razor bumps!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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