Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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