I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
