rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
