the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
As shirtless as possible
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
