I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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