I want to make a zoo with you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
