i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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