dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
