I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
