Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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