This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
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He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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