so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
