she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
