Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Boobs speak an international language.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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