Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
