mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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